As the body begins to shut down, energy needs drop.
Your parent may:
- Sleep most of the day
- Be difficult to rouse
- Seem “in and out” of consciousness
This isn’t laziness — it’s the body conserving energy as organ systems slow.
💡 What it means: The body is focusing on essential functions.
💡 What to do:
- Speak softly when they’re awake — they can often still hear
- Hold their hand, play soft music, or share memories
- Don’t force food or drink — swallowing becomes difficult
🍽️ 2. They’ve Lost Interest in Food and Drink
When the body is preparing to stop, digestion slows — sometimes stopping altogether.
You may notice:
- Refusing meals or sips of water
- Taking only small bites or licks of ice chips
- No longer feeling thirsty
This is natural and expected , not a sign of neglect.
❗ Never force-feed — it can cause discomfort, choking, or aspiration.
✅ Keep lips moist with swabs, lip balm, or a damp cloth
✅ Offer small ice chips if they ask
💬 A hospice nurse once said:
“When someone stops eating, they’re not starving — they’re no longer hungry for this world.”
🫁 3. Their Breathing Has Changed (Irregular or Labored)
Changes in breathing are among the most noticeable signs of approaching death.
Look for:
- Cheyne-Stokes breathing : Deep breaths followed by pauses
- Gurgling or “death rattle” : Caused by saliva pooling in the throat (not painful)
- Shallow, slow breaths — minutes apart
These patterns happen as the brain’s control over breathing weakens.
✅ What to do:
- Keep the head slightly elevated
- Turn them gently to the side to help drain secretions
- Use a humidifier or damp cloth to ease dryness
- Ask hospice about medication to reduce gurgling if it causes distress
❤️ 4. They’re Withdrawing — Emotionally and Socially
You may notice your parent:
- Talking less
- Seeming distant or “looking past” you
- Saying things like “I’m ready” or “I see loved ones”
This isn’t depression — it’s a natural part of the dying process .
Many people report visions of deceased loved ones , which can be comforting.
💬 A common experience:
“Grandma kept waving at the foot of the bed — she said her mother was there to take her home.”
✅ What to do:
- Don’t correct or argue — just listen
- Say your goodbyes, even if they seem unresponsive
- Share stories, play their favorite music, or read aloud
🛑 What These Signs Are Not
These signs do not mean you should give up — they mean it’s time to shift focus from cure to comfort.
- ❌ It’s not your fault
- ❌ It’s not a failure of care
- ❌ It’s not something to fear
It’s a natural transition — and one you can help make peaceful.
✅ How to Prepare — For Them and For You
1. Call in Support
- Contact hospice care — they provide medical, emotional, and spiritual support at home
- Ask about 24/7 nurse lines and emergency visits
2. Have the Hard Conversations
- If not already done, discuss:
- Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) orders
- Advance directives
- Funeral wishes
3. Create a Peaceful Environment
- Soft lighting
- Calm music
- Familiar photos or blankets
- Family nearby (or voices on speakerphone)
4. Take Care of Yourself
- Grief starts before death — it’s called anticipatory grief
- Rest, eat, and lean on others
- Consider counseling or a support group
Final Thoughts
Seeing these signs in your parent is one of the hardest moments in life.
But it’s also a sacred opportunity — to be present, to love deeply, and to honor a lifetime of care with one final act of love.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
You just have to be there .
Because in the end, what matters most isn’t how long we live —
but how loved we feel when it’s time to go.
